Ni Hao Baby!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Ryan starts kindergarten!

Ryan started kindergarten this week! In typical Ryan fashion he breezed in excited yet calm, not a worry in the world. Oh to be able to be Ryan for one day! After only one day he told Evan some story about one of his friends from school. Evan asked what his friends name was and Ryan didn't know. Ryan doesn't really know this kid but he just assumes he's his friend. Ryan likes everyone and assumes they like him. At 39 years of age, I seriously envy his easy going nature.

On this same day, Evan started 2nd grade. Evan is wired more like me. His exterior may be calm but inside the wires are sizzling with nervous apprehension... or so I thought. Turns out he went right to 2nd grade too without much nervousness at all. I was the only one sizzling with apprehension!!! I think I am still emotionally scarred for Evan's first day of kindergarten where they had to remove him from my arm. He didn't want to go. He wasn't happy. He tried to make a break from the class room and then sat quietly crying. Little did he know I was right outside the kindergarten door and I was crying too. In hindsight, I really feel bad for the teacher and aide. As if its not enough that they had to console him, they had to do it with me as well! They were all handing me tissues, saying this is normal. I can just imagine them thinking, "well this is where he gets it from"! LOL! Anyway, it has all gotten much much better since then but I must admit I hold my breath each September.

The birthday boys!!!

I am little late on this post but Evan and Derek had their birthdays at the end of August. Evan is officially 8 and Derek is officially 4! I love that their birthdays are so close together! For some siblings that might not work out but it works very well for them! They love to celebrate together! It seems to work for Ryan too because people feel bad that he is the only one not getting a gift so he gets one too! ;) When I was pregnant with Derek I was trying to will myself to give birth on Evan's birthday because I thought it would be sweet if they shared a birthday but no such luck! Two days later they induced me because Ryan was a 10lb-er baby and they worried that my 3rd boy would be a little sumo wrestler. Turns out he was only 8lb 7 oz... still not too shabby. But my boys are growing up and I am so very proud!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Blogging under the influence

For the record, I am dead sober. Although truth be told, I could use a drink. But I am blogging under the influence of high emotions. Another shared list has come out. A big one of approx 175 children and YET AGAIN our agency has no match for us. I was 36 when we officially began our paper chase. We actually went to an adoption meeting just after I turn 36. Now 40 looms large in the distance and we have yet to find our child.

I haven't been blogging recently because what can I say that isn't totally a bummer? And frankly a bummer post is the least of emotions bubbling at the surface. I feel very very angry. Angry at our agency. Angry at myself for choosing them. Angry because every phone conversation with them feels as futile as nailing jello to the wall. And mostly angry because I feel completely powerless in all this.

This is why I haven't been blogging because adoption-wise I haven't got anything positive to say. But I needed to post something to have just the smallest release of these bad emotions.